Loneliness, isolation and depression
DESCRIPTION:
Understanding loneliness, being alone, and depression. What to do about loneliness: Tips for combating loneliness and information about connecting with other people, social relationships, and how lonely people feel.
Loneliness or being alone? Why depression doesn't tell the whole story
Much has been written about loneliness, mainly in relation to older people and depression. But this narrow focus obscures what loneliness really is: a complex psychological phenomenon that affects people of all ages and is not necessarily tied to the number of social contacts a person has.
What it's about:
· Loneliness beyond the usual clichés,
· Why some people with few social contacts are happy, and
· What science says about chronic loneliness.
What is loneliness, and what is it not?
Loneliness is not a psychiatric illness, but a subjective feeling of isolation. American loneliness researcher and psychologist John Cacioppo defines loneliness as the discrepancy between desired and actual social relationships. This is crucial: it is not the objective number of contacts that determines loneliness, but the perceived quality of these connections.
Someone can interact with dozens of people every day and still feel lonely if those interactions remain superficial. Conversely, people with limited social contacts can feel connected and content. The feeling of loneliness is therefore highly individual and culturally shaped.
Scientific research shows that loneliness is an evolutionarily meaningful signal, similar to hunger or thirst. It signals that a fundamental social need remains unfulfilled. It only becomes problematic when the feeling becomes chronic and prevents people from making contact with others.
How can we distinguish between loneliness and conscious solitude?
This is where many misunderstandings arise: solitude and loneliness are fundamentally different. Solitude is an objective state; you are physically alone. Loneliness is a subjective suffering from a lack of social relationships.
Some people need a lot of solitude to regenerate. Introversion, for example, does not describe a pathology, but a personality dimension. Introverts feel exhausted more quickly by social interaction and need to retreat to recover. This has nothing to do with loneliness.
The difference is evident in the quality of the experience: healthy solitude recharges the batteries, creates clarity and promotes creativity. Loneliness, on the other hand, feels empty, leads to brooding, and often reinforces itself. Lonely people feel isolated even in company, a paradox that underlines the qualitative nature of loneliness.
Why do some people feel chronically lonely?
Chronic loneliness arises when the feeling of loneliness becomes a permanent state. Cacioppo and Hawkley have shown in their research that loneliness can become chronic when it develops a self-reinforcing dynamic. Lonely people interpret social signals more negatively and withdraw, which in turn leads to fewer positive social experiences.
This spiral has neurobiological foundations: chronic loneliness permanently activates stress systems, alters the perception of social situations and increases vigilance towards social threats. This makes it more difficult to socialise, even though that is exactly what would help.
Various life circumstances can contribute to loneliness, including moving house, separations, job changes, and the pandemic (the coronavirus has increased loneliness worldwide). However, not everyone who experiences such transitions develops chronic loneliness. Coping strategies and the ability to seek contact with other people despite uncertainty are crucial.
Is social isolation the same as loneliness?
No, that's another common misconception. Social isolation describes the objective state of low social engagement. You are socially isolated if you have little contact with others. You are lonely if you feel disconnected. The two can occur together, but they don't have to.
There are lonely people in the midst of large families and socially isolated people who do not feel lonely. Studies by Luhmann, Hawkley and others show that the subjective assessment of social relationships is more important for health than the sheer number of them.
Social isolation can be a risk factor for loneliness, especially when it is not chosen. However, social withdrawal, selected for example among artists, researchers, or spiritual practitioners, does not necessarily lead to feelings of loneliness. The difference lies in autonomy: was the state chosen, or did it arise from external circumstances?
How does loneliness affect the body and mind?
The topic of loneliness is often linked to depression, but the connection is more complex than is usually portrayed. Depression and loneliness can reinforce each other, but they are not identical. Not every lonely person is depressed, and not every depression arises from loneliness.
Chronic loneliness hurts physical health. It increases inflammation markers, impairs the immune system and is considered a risk factor for cardiovascular disease. Studies show that chronic loneliness increases the risk of mortality to a similar extent as smoking or obesity.
Psychologically, prolonged loneliness often leads to negative thought patterns, heightened vigilance for social rejection, and self-fulfilling prophecies in social life. Lonely people simultaneously seek connection and fear it, an internal conflict that may require professional help.
Why is loneliness in old age different, but not inevitable?
Loneliness in old age is often portrayed as inevitable. This is a myth. While older people are exposed to certain risk factors (loss of partners, declining mobility, retirement), loneliness is not an automatic consequence of ageing.
Research by Mor, Palgi and Segel-Karpas shows that life satisfaction is not linearly related to age. Many older people report deeper, more meaningful relationships than in their younger years. The focus shifts from quantity to quality, a natural developmental process.
Problems arise when structural factors come into play: limited mobility, lack of digital literacy, and social marginalisation. Systemic solutions are needed here, not just individual strategies. Organisations such as Malteser offer low-threshold support, but the real problem is often social isolation, not personal failure.
What can be done specifically to combat loneliness?
The most common recommendation is: "Go out and meet people!" But for people suffering from loneliness, this is often the biggest hurdle. Fear of rejection, negative self-perception and social exhaustion make it difficult to overcome.
Tips for combating loneliness should be realistic: start small. Regular contact is more important than grand gestures. A weekly walk with one person can be more effective than monthly significant events. Structured activities (courses, clubs, voluntary work) make it easier to get started because they provide a natural framework.
It is also important to note that combating loneliness does not necessarily mean meeting more people. Sometimes it is about deepening existing relationships. Quality beats quantity. A conversation between two people in which you feel truly seen can move mountains.
When should you seek professional help?
If loneliness becomes chronic and severely restricts your quality of life, or if it is accompanied by other psychological stress, professional help is advisable. A psychologist or psychotherapist can help you recognise the patterns that perpetuate loneliness.
Behavioural therapy has proven effective, especially cognitive approaches that address dysfunctional beliefs about social situations. Sometimes it's not about having more contacts, but thinking about them differently. Automatic assumptions ("I'm uninteresting," "Nobody wants me") are often distorted.
Depression treatment may also be relevant if loneliness and depressive symptoms overlap. But be careful: not all loneliness is pathological. Sometimes it signals legitimate unmet needs that should be addressed not with medication but with lifestyle changes. Consult a doctor if physical illnesses are also present.
Are there different types of loneliness?
Yes. Loneliness research distinguishes among three forms: emotional loneliness (lack of close, intimate bonds), social loneliness (lack of a social network), and collective loneliness (lack of a community to which one belongs).
This differentiation is important in practical terms: those who experience emotional loneliness do not need more acquaintances; they need deeper connections. Those who feel social loneliness benefit from group activities. Those who think collective loneliness may be looking for ideological or spiritual community.
This also explains why people who "actually have everything" are affected. They may be well-connected socially, but the quality of those connections does not meet their needs. The feeling of not really having anyone who understands you can arise despite a busy schedule and is therefore just as real as the loneliness of socially isolated people.
What social factors exacerbate loneliness?
Loneliness is not just an individual problem. Modern lifestyles, high mobility, individualisation and digital communication are changing the structure of social relationships. People move for jobs, families live scattered, and neighbourhoods are losing their significance.
The pandemic has shown how fragile social structures are. Suddenly, people were forced to withdraw, and many realised how thin their social network actually was. However, the increase in loneliness is not only due to COVID-19, but also to long-term trends of atomisation.
At the same time, there are counter-movements: community projects, co-living spaces, and new forms of voluntary work. Loneliness has always existed, but its forms are changing. Modern loneliness is often paradoxical: digitally hyper-connected and yet deeply isolated. The challenge is to create authentic connections in a world focused on performance and self-optimisation.
What can we learn from loneliness research?
Research on loneliness has made enormous progress in recent decades. Today, we have a better understanding that loneliness is a multidimensional phenomenon: biological, psychological, and social. It is neither purely subjective nor purely objective, but arises from the interaction of both levels.
The critical thing to realise is that loneliness is treatable. It is not an unchangeable fate, but a changeable condition. However, the solutions vary from person to person. What helps one person (more social activities) may overwhelm another. Learning new things, volunteering, rediscovering old hobbies – all of these can help, but only if they suit the individual.
Research also shows that talking about loneliness helps. Removing the taboo surrounding it and recognising it as a normal human experience takes away the shame. Having someone to talk to without having to justify oneself is often the first step out of isolation. Finding more information and support is easier today than ever before, if you know where to look.
The most critical points summarised
Loneliness is not the same as being alone: loneliness is a subjective feeling, while being alone is an objective state. Both can exist independently of each other.
Quality beats quantity: it is not the number of social contacts that determines loneliness, but their quality and how well they meet one's own needs.
Chronic loneliness is a risk factor: it increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, impairs the immune system and can exacerbate mental health issues, but it is not a disease in itself.
Loneliness has many faces: emotional, social and collective loneliness require different approaches.
Seeking professional help is not a weakness: when loneliness becomes painful, support from a psychotherapist can help.
Social structures play a role: loneliness is not only caused by individual factors but also by modern lifestyles and a lack of community.
Loneliness can be changed: with the right strategies, from volunteering to deeper connections to therapeutic support, loneliness can be overcome.
Seeking help is the first step: Whether through organisations such as the Maltese, through conversations with trusted friends or through professional support – no one has to go through loneliness alone.
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