Social intelligence in psychology: Why it is more important than IQ

What is social intelligence – and why does our personal and professional success depend more on it than on grades, CVs or specialist knowledge?

This article is about an underestimated factor in quality of life and interpersonal skills: social intelligence. It is more than just ‘being nice’ – it influences how we are perceived, how we resolve conflicts, how we lead and how we connect with others.

You will learn why social intelligence is a key factor in professional success, emotional health and interpersonal trust according to psychology, research and practice – and how you can train your own social intelligence in a targeted manner.

What it's all about:

• What does social intelligence mean?

• How did Edward Lee Thorndike define the term social intelligence?

• What role does Daniel Goleman play in research on social intelligence?

• How are intelligence and empathy related?

• Why is emotional intelligence closely linked to social intelligence?

• How can you recognise socially intelligent people in their interactions with others?

• What happens when social intelligence is low – and how does it manifest itself?

• How can social intelligence be specifically promoted?

• What role does social memory play?

• How is social intelligence relevant for managers?

What does social intelligence mean?

Social intelligence describes the ability to perceive social signals, interpret them correctly and respond appropriately to interpersonal situations. It is part of what are known as ‘soft skills’ – but it is much more than just social competence. The concept of social intelligence was originally introduced into psychology by the American psychologist Edward Lee Thorndike. For him, social intelligence meant the ‘ability to act wisely in dealing with other people’.

Today, social intelligence encompasses skills such as:

• Empathy and emotional resonance

• Conflict resolution and de-escalation

• Sensitivity in interpersonal relationships

• Active listening and targeted communication

This form of intelligence cannot be measured by cognitive tests alone – it has a direct impact on our social relationships and our mental well-being.

How did Edward Lee Thorndike define the term social intelligence?

The psychologist Edward Lee Thorndike was one of the first scientists to coin the concept of social intelligence in the early 20th century. For him, it was one of three forms of intelligence alongside mechanical and abstract intelligence.

He recognised that people who interact well with others – regardless of their IQ – often achieve more in teams, leadership roles or interpersonal relationships than cognitively superior loners.

The concept of social intelligence was later developed further, among others by Daniel Goleman, who linked social and emotional intelligence.

What role does Daniel Goleman play in research on social intelligence?

Psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman brought the topic to the forefront of public attention in the 1990s with his bestseller Emotional Intelligence.

In his work, Daniel Goleman establishes a link between EQ (emotional intelligence) and social skills. For him, social intelligence encompasses:

• Empathy

• Social perception

• Reading non-verbal signals

• Relationship management

These skills determine how well someone performs in social situations – whether at work, at home or in society. EQ is not innate, but can be developed.

How are intelligence and empathy related?

Intelligence and empathy are two dimensions of human abilities that interact but are not the same thing. While intelligence is often associated with logical thinking or language comprehension, empathy describes the ability to put oneself in another person's shoes. Empathy is a core component of social intelligence: without it, communication remains superficial, relationships functional and conflict resolution mechanical. Socially intelligent people recognise emotional nuances in facial expressions, language or behaviour – and react accordingly. This social awareness can be learned and trained.

Why is emotional intelligence closely linked to social intelligence?

A distinction is often made between ‘emotional intelligence’ and ‘social intelligence’ – in practice, however, the two concepts overlap considerably.

• Emotional intelligence means perceiving and regulating one's own feelings and the emotions of others.

• Social intelligence focuses more on concrete interactions and interpersonal dynamics.

Daniel Goleman integrates both concepts into his model. People with high EQ often also have strong social skills – they understand themselves and others.

How can you recognise socially intelligent people in their interactions with others?

Socially intelligent people are recognised less by their words than by their impact: they create closeness without being intrusive. They listen actively. They resolve tensions early on. Typical signs – examples of the following characteristics:

• Sensitivity in tone of voice

• Respectful behaviour even when opinions differ

• Clear, appreciative feedback

• Emotional presence without drama

Social intelligence enables people to motivate others, build bridges and communicate on an equal footing – in teams, partnerships or in everyday family life.

What happens when social intelligence is low?

People with low social intelligence often come across as awkward, dominant or unapproachable – even if they don't mean to.

Low social intelligence manifests itself, for example, in:

• inappropriate comments or tone of voice

• disregard for non-verbal signals

• frequent misunderstandings

• lack of consideration for conversation partners

People with low social skills often have difficulties in groups, with feedback processes or when dealing with criticism. In severe cases, this can lead to loneliness, withdrawal or social conflicts.

How can social intelligence be specifically promoted?

The good news is that social intelligence can be trained – regardless of age or educational background.

Recommended steps:

• Reflect on your own conversation patterns

• Targeted training with role-playing or coaching

• Seek feedback from an experienced psychologist or coach

• Read books by Daniel Goleman or other psychological literature

In everyday life, every dialogue is a training ground. Those who listen, ask questions and open up train their social skillsin a lasting way.

What role does social memory play?

Social memory describes the ability to remember past encounters, emotional contexts and behavioural patterns of others.

A strong social memory helps to:

• Assess people in the long term

• Refer to previous conversations

• Build trust

It supports social intelligence by enabling deeper understanding and consistent behaviour – especially in long-term relationships.

How relevant is social intelligence for managers?

A manager with high social intelligence can motivate teams, resolve conflicts and create psychological security – all prerequisites for sustainable success.

The following are crucial here:

• Empathetic listening

• Delegation with trust

• Feedback without humiliation

• Sensitivity in stressful or uncertain situations

In today's working world, authoritarian leadership styles are outdated. What counts is emotional intelligence, social awareness and genuine connection with employees.

Conclusion: What you should take away from this article

• Social intelligence is a key skill in psychology. It determines professional and personal success.

• The concept of social intelligence was coined by Edward Lee Thorndike and further developed by Daniel Goleman.

• Emotional intelligence and social intelligence complement each other – both can be actively promoted.

• People with social intelligence recognise non-verbal signals, show empathy and consciously shape social dynamics.

• Low social intelligence leads to misunderstandings, conflicts and isolation – but it can be changed.

• Socially intelligent people in interactions show presence, clarity and genuine interest – in every social situation.

20 phrases (and tricks) for greater social intelligence

‘Be tough on the issue – and soft on the person.’

This way, you avoid assigning blame while still maintaining clarity.

‘Act as if everyone has something to teach you.’

This attitude promotes curiosity instead of prejudice.

[Pause + eye contact]

Two seconds of silence make you appear confident – and show presence.

‘I want you to feel seen, heard and remembered.’

The SHR method strengthens emotional bonds.

‘Hello, [name].’

People love to be addressed by their name – it signals respect.

‘Praise publicly, criticise privately.’ – Warren Buffett

This creates appreciation without causing anyone to lose face.

‘Before I give feedback, it's important to me that you know I value you.’

This opens the door for honest feedback.

‘Unspoken expectations are disappointment waiting to happen.’ – Neil Strauss

Clarity protects relationships.

‘How can I help?’

A simple sentence with a big impact – especially in everyday working life.

‘I'm [your name].’

The first to greet someone takes the lead – and takes away their fear.

‘Yes, and ...’

This phrase from improvisational theatre promotes cooperation instead of blockages.

‘Today, I'm consciously not going to complain.’

Free yourself (and others) from the negative spiral.

‘I'd like to tell you a quick story...’

Stories stick in the mind – better than mere facts.

‘Even dogs get lucky sometimes.’

Humour + humility = social closeness.

‘Let's talk about this later when we've calmed down.’

Emotion regulation instead of escalation.

‘Who do you consider to be your inner circle?’

Your environment shapes your development.

‘I don't know enough about that yet.’

Openness to learning processes creates trust.

‘I'll record myself and listen to it later.’

Those who reflect on themselves grow faster.

‘Good leaders promote others – not themselves.’ – Roy T. Bennett

Empowerment instead of control.

How to use these phrases in everyday life

Each of these 20 phrases is a tool – used authentically and consciously, they have a powerful effect. They strengthen:

• Your personal charisma

• Your communication skills

• Your interpersonal skills

• Your leadership skills

• Your self-efficacy

These phrases can be used in both your professional and private life – from team meetings to introductory conversations.