A critical look at problematic self-help advice

Introduction

Certain phrases are constantly repeated on social media and in self-help guides, as if they contained universal truths. The late Queen is said to have declared: ‘Never complain, never explain’. Equally pithy is: ‘What doesn't kill you makes you stronger’ or, quite flat: ‘Family is like music. There are high notes, there are low notes, but always a beautiful song’ – such statements sound catchy, but do they really make sense?

Self-help clichés promise clarity, direction and success. They reduce the complexity of life to bite-sized platitudes. But reality is chaotic, and sweeping statements are therefore misleading or even harmful.

This post is about:

• whether popular self-help slogans stand up to critical scrutiny

• what dangers lie in blindly following them

• what a more reflective approach to challenges might look like

What are ‘timeless’ wisdoms of life?

Here are some common statements from the self-help industry:

1. ‘Never say, “I can't do it anymore.” Rather, say, “I'll show what I can do!”’

2. ‘Whining is a waste of time. Do something or shut up.’

3. ‘Spend time with people who love you. If you don't have family, create some.’

4. ‘If you can't build a healthy and strong body, you can't control your life.’

5. ‘Be grateful for everything. Always say “thank you”.’

6. ‘Don't worry about what people think. We're all going to die someday.’

7. ‘Have the courage to take risks. Don't be such a wimp.’

Such ‘wisdom’ may sound motivating, but it is shallow and ignores any context. Life is not just about stamina, but also about strategy, reflection and knowing when it's time for change.

Furthermore, this advice is usually aimed at a privileged middle class. For people with disabilities, precarious employment or existential insecurities, such advice is unrealistic – it addresses luxury problems without offering real help.

Self-help myths debunked

‘Never say, “I can't do it anymore”’ – But does every fight lead to success?

Not every fight is worth it. Those who cling to hopeless situations out of false toughness risk wearing themselves out in futile struggles.

• Staying in a toxic job does not strengthen you – it destroys you.

• Exercising too hard without recovery does not lead to strength, but to injuries.

• Enduring an unhappy relationship does not make love better – it robs you of time.

Better approach: Choose your battles consciously. Use your energy for challenges that really help you move forward.

‘Not complaining’ – But is silence really productive?

Complaints are not always pointless. They draw attention to grievances, drive change and help to process emotions.

• Industrial action arises because people resist social injustice.

• Those who spoke about their symptoms saved their own lives.

• Addressing dissatisfaction in relationships creates clarity and thus prevents frustration and misunderstandings.

For disadvantaged people, complaining is not nagging. Expecting them to silently accept social injustice is a demand that only the privileged can make.

Better approach: Constructive criticism can lead to positive change. Instead of ignoring problems, address them directly and look for solutions.

‘Spend time with loved ones’ – But what if they're toxic?

Family and friendships can be a source of joy – but not always. Some relationships are unhealthy, manipulative or emotionally draining.

• Feelings of guilt should not be a reason to remain in destructive family structures.

• Quality is more important than quantity – it is how relationships feel that counts.

• Setting boundaries protects your own mental health.

Better approach: Choose your relationships consciously. Prioritise people who do you good, instead of getting caught up in unhealthy dynamics out of a sense of duty.

‘Daily exercise’ – but is health just about fitness?

Exercise is healthy, but a rigid ‘daily exercise’ rule can cause feelings of guilt, overload or even injuries.

• Rest days are essential for regeneration and long-term health.

• Mental health is just as important as physical fitness.

• Exercise should be fun – not a punishment.

Better approach: listen to your body. Health is a balance of activity, recovery and well-being.

Instead:

• Choose your battles carefully. Not every fight is worth fighting.

• Speak up when something is wrong. Criticism is valuable when it leads to solutions.

• Build strong relationships. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.

• Find your own balance. Health is more than just sport.

• Reflect on your own way. Self-confidence comes from individual methods.

Conclusion

Popular wisdom often offers comfort – but comfort is not the same as truth. Simple sayings do not do justice to the complexity of life. Instead of blindly adopting self-help clichés, it makes sense to take a critical approach. Question, adapt and use advice only where it is really useful. And above all, recognise that much ‘timeless’ advice was never intended for people in difficult circumstances. It is aimed at those who have the privilege of reflecting on self-improvement, not those who are struggling to survive.