Social comparison: why it makes us unhappy and how to stop doing it

Introduction

As you scroll, you see that a friend is on holiday in the Maldives. Another has bought a new car. A former colleague has been promoted again. Suddenly your own life seems dull in comparison. Does this sound familiar?

Social comparison is deeply ingrained in our psychology, but in the digital age, it has taken on a life of its own. Unbeknownst to us, it influences self-esteem, mental health and decision-making.

This post is about:

• What social comparison is and why it happens

• How it affects our well-being

• Why it's so addictive

• Practical strategies to free yourself from it

Let's get started.

What is social comparison?

Social comparison is, quite simply, measuring yourself against others. It helps us understand our abilities, social status and identity.

Why do we compare ourselves?

Psychologists argue that social comparison is a survival mechanism. In the past, knowing your place in a group could be essential to staying alive. Today, it influences status, self-esteem and motivation.

There are three types of social comparison:

• upward comparison – comparison with people who appear to be better off

• downward comparison – comparison with people who are perceived as less successful

• lateral comparison – comparison with peers

Social comparison is not inherently bad. It encourages development, but if left unchecked, it can lead to envy, anxiety and depression.

The science behind social comparison and mental health

Social media has intensified social comparison like never before. Studies show that

• frequent upward comparison leads to depression – ideals of others then evoke feelings of inadequacy.

• Downward comparison brings only short-term relief – observing the failure of others can provide temporary relief but does not improve one's self-esteem.

• Compulsive comparison intensifies anxiety – Constantly measuring yourself against others leads to decision fatigue and dissatisfaction.

A 2018 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that people who frequently compared their lives to others on social media had higher levels of loneliness and lower self-esteem. The pressure to keep up is enormous.

Why is social media so addictive?

Social platforms deliberately exploit the psychology of comparison. Features such as ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ have a reward effect – similar to gambling. These reward mechanisms lead to a constant need for validation and reinforce comparison habits.

How to escape the comparison trap:

1. recognise your triggers

Social comparison often happens unconsciously. Identify the situations that trigger it:

• social media feeds

• colleagues' successes

• lifestyle changes in your circle of friends

Why it's important: Awareness is the first step to change. When you recognise your triggers, you have more control over your reactions.

2. Be aware of your digital environment

Review your social media use:

• Unfollow accounts that trigger distressing feelings in you

• Follow inspiring and positive content

• Set time limits for social media

Why it's important: Your digital consumption affects your mental state. By consciously selecting your content, you create a healthier environment.

3. Develop goodwill

A scarcity mindset encourages comparison. Instead, an ‘abundance mentality’ helps:

• Celebrate the successes of others instead of being jealous

• Focus on personal growth instead of competition

• Keep a gratitude journal

Why it's important: Good will reduces envy and promotes contentment.

4. Practice self-kindness

Be as kind to yourself as you are to others:

• Question negative thought patterns

• Recognise your own strengths

• Accept your imperfections

Why it's important: Self-compassion reduces stress and promotes resilience.

5. Set personal, meaningful goals

Don't measure success against external benchmarks, but against your own progress:

• Develop skills that are important to you

• Only compare yourself to your own past

• Define long-term personal and professional visions

Why this is important: Your own goals give your life meaning, independently of external validation.

Conclusion

Social comparison is a natural behaviour, but in the modern world it does more harm than good. Understanding its mechanisms can help you take back control. By recognising triggers, consciously shaping your environment, changing your mindset and setting your own goals, you can free yourself from negative comparisons and strengthen your well-being.

The next time you compare yourself, ask yourself: Am I judging my worth based on a staged display? Instead, focus on what really matters – your own journey.

Social comparison: why it makes us unhappy and how we can break free of it

Introduction

As you scroll, you see that a friend is on holiday in the Maldives. Another has bought a new car. A former colleague has been promoted again. Suddenly your own life seems dull in comparison. Does this sound familiar?

Social comparison is deeply ingrained in our psychology, but in the digital age, it has taken on a life of its own. Unbeknownst to us, it influences self-esteem, mental health and decision-making.

This post is about:

• What social comparison is and why it happens

• How it affects our well-being

• Why it's so addictive

• Practical strategies to free yourself from it

Let's get started.

What is social comparison?

Social comparison is, quite simply, measuring yourself against others. It helps us understand our abilities, social status and identity.

Why do we compare ourselves?

Psychologists argue that social comparison is a survival mechanism. In the past, knowing your place in a group could be essential to staying alive. Today, it influences status, self-esteem and motivation.

There are three types of social comparison:

• upward comparison – comparison with people who appear to be better off

• downward comparison – comparison with people who are perceived as less successful

• lateral comparison – comparison with peers

Social comparison is not inherently bad. It encourages development, but if left unchecked, it can lead to envy, anxiety and depression.

The science behind social comparison and mental health

Social media has intensified social comparison like never before. Studies show that

• frequent upward comparison leads to depression – ideals of others then evoke feelings of inadequacy.

• Downward comparison brings only short-term relief – observing the failure of others can provide temporary relief but does not improve one's self-esteem.

• Compulsive comparison intensifies anxiety – Constantly measuring yourself against others leads to decision fatigue and dissatisfaction.

A 2018 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that people who frequently compared their lives to others on social media had higher levels of loneliness and lower self-esteem. The pressure to keep up is enormous.

Why is social media so addictive?

Social platforms deliberately exploit the psychology of comparison. Features such as ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ have a reward effect – similar to gambling. These reward mechanisms lead to a constant need for validation and reinforce comparison habits.

How to escape the comparison trap:

1. recognise your triggers

Social comparison often happens unconsciously. Identify the situations that trigger it:

• social media feeds

• colleagues' successes

• lifestyle changes in your circle of friends

Why it's important: Awareness is the first step to change. When you recognise your triggers, you have more control over your reactions.

2. Be aware of your digital environment

Review your social media use:

• Unfollow accounts that trigger distressing feelings in you

• Follow inspiring and positive content

• Set time limits for social media

Why it's important: Your digital consumption influences your mental state. By consciously selecting your content, you create a healthier environment.

3. Develop goodwill

A scarcity mindset encourages comparison. Instead, an abundance mentality helps:

• Celebrate others' successes instead of being jealous

• Focus on personal growth instead of competition

• Keep a gratitude journal

Why it's important: Good will reduces envy and promotes contentment.

4. Practice self-kindness

Be as kind to yourself as you are to others:

• Challenge negative thought patterns

• Acknowledge your own strengths

• Accept your imperfections

Why it's important: Self-compassion reduces stress and promotes resilience.

5. Set personal, meaningful goals

Don't measure success against external comparisons, but against your own progress:

• Develop skills that are important to you

• Only compare yourself to your own past

• Define long-term personal and professional visions

Why this is important: Your own goals give your life meaning – regardless of external validation.

Conclusion

Social comparison is a natural behaviour, but in the modern world it does more harm than good. Understanding its mechanisms can help you take back control. By recognising triggers, consciously shaping your environment, changing your mindset and setting your own goals, you can free yourself from negative comparisons and strengthen your well-being.

Next time you compare yourself, ask yourself: Am I judging my worth by a staged display? Instead, focus on what really matters – your own journey.