AUDHS & Spoon Theory
DESCRIPTION:
Calculating with spoons in everyday life with neurodiversity? How the Spoon Theory helps with AUDHS. More energy, self-care and structure in everyday life!
The spoon theory for chronic fatigue caused by ADHD and autism: A guide to more spoons (energy)
TL;DR (The most important points in brief):
The problem: People with ADHD often have less energy available than neurotypical people.
The cause: Stimulus filtering, executive functions and "masking" consume energy in the background.
The solution: The spoon theory helps us understand energy as a limited currency and allocate it more effectively.
AuDHS, when autism and ADHD meet: A guide to diagnosis and everyday life
Welcome to our specialised section on AuDHS. More and more people recognise the feeling of having both autism and ADHD – an internal balancing act that is often only recognised late in life.
Here you will find well-founded information on neurodivergence, guidance on ADHD diagnosis for adults and answers to the question of why you often fluctuate between inner restlessness and the need for structure. We shed light on the paradox of sensory overload and boredom and explain the background to autism spectrum disorder comorbidity with ADHD.
🧠 A note about our design (neuro-inclusive reading)
We know that long texts are often exhausting for neurodivergent brains. That's why this blog is designed to be "ADHD-friendly":
· TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read): You will find a summary at the beginning of each article.
· Scannability: We use bold type for key terms and lots of bullet points so you can grasp the most crucial information at a glance.
· Clarity: We avoid walls of text and focus on short, digestible paragraphs.
1. Where does the spoon theory come from?
The spoon theory originated in 2003 and was developed by American blogger Christine Miserandino.
The story behind it:
She was sitting in a café with a friend. She wanted to explain what it feels like to live with lupus (a chronic illness). Words weren't enough.
So she resorted to a radical method:
She collected spoons from the tables.
She pressed them into her friend's hand.
She said, "This is all you have today."
Every activity, getting up, showering, eating, costs a spoon. When the spoons were gone, the day was over.
This image went around the world as the spoon theory. So much for the spoon theory in 2003. It originally stems from the chronic pain situation associated with an autoimmune disease. Today, it is an essential explanatory model for energy levels in neurodiversity.
2. Several spoons: your starting energy balance
Imagine that energy is a currency.
The neurotypical person:
They have an "energy flat rate". They wake up and have an infinite number of spoons. Showering or travelling by train costs them almost nothing. They don't have to calculate.
People with AuDHS / chronic illnesses:
Only has a limited number of spoons available in the morning. Maybe twelve spoons. On bad days, only six.
The hard rule:
You have a certain number of spoons available per day. When you use a spoon, it's gone. It doesn't come back after a 5-minute break.
This forces you to constantly weigh up: "Can I afford to shower AND cook?"
3. The explanatory model: Why does this fit perfectly with autism and ADHD? 🥄
At first glance, living with ADHD often seems like a permanent excess of energy. But appearances are deceiving: it is a "tired but wired" state. By evening, all your spoons are gone, so you have to recharge your batteries.
And why do people with ADHD struggle particularly with their resilience?
The neurological reasons:
Defective spam filter: The brain does not automatically distinguish between "important" (conversation) and "unimportant" (refrigerator hum).
Manual processing: Every ray of light, every smell, and every emotion must be actively sorted. This consumes computing power.
High basal metabolic rate: ADHD does not mean less capacity, but rather an enormously high "power consumption" in standby mode.
The battery comparison: Your brain is like a mobile phone with 50 apps open in the background at once (GPS, Wi-Fi, games, updates). Even if the phone is lying unused on the table, the battery drains rapidly. That is precisely what neurodiversity is: a high-performance operating system that consumes an enormous amount of energy to stay "on".
4. Overwork: Why is it so expensive
For people with AUDHS, there is a kind of "spoon inflation". Everyday things are so exhausting in a neurotypical world that they cost those affected a disproportionate number of spoons.
Example: Doing laundry
Neurotypical: 1 step ("I do the laundry"). Cost: ½ spoon.
Neurodiverse: 20 steps (get started, sort laundry, find detergent, operate machine, wait ...). Cost: 2 spoons.
Added to this are sensory stimuli in autism, which cost additional spoons... A supermarket is loud, bright, cramped and smells.
The result: often by midday, 8 out of 12 spoons have already been used up to function "normally".
5. The energy deficit: the exchange rate 1:5
To explain this to relatives, use this comparison:
"People without AUDHS may need one spoonful in the morning. For us, it can cost five spoonfuls."
Why so many?
Dopamine deficiency: Getting up without the reward hormone takes willpower.
Decision paralysis: What should I wear? (1 spoon gone).
Time blindness: Stress from fear of being late.
Searching: Where are the keys? (working memory).
Sensory perception: The jumper is itchy.
Those who ignore this "exchange rate" do not understand exhaustion.
6. The biggest energy thief: masking
Masking means pretending to be neurotypical.
This costs the most energy:
Forcing eye contact.
Sitting still (suppressing stimming).
Playing social scripts ("simulating small talk").
Anyone who masks for 8 hours will have used up their limited energy by evening. Breaking down at home is not a drama; it is mathematically inevitable.
7. The debt trap: borrowing spoons
Warning: You can continue when you run out of spoons. But you pay interest.
The principle:
You have planned fewer activities and now have no spoons left, but you have to go to a party.
You take spoons from the next day.
The consequence: Tomorrow you start with one spoon less.
If you do this all the time, you will end up insolvent = burnt out.
To get through the day better, you have to say "no" today to remain capable of acting tomorrow.
8. Chronic illnesses: when several things come together
ADHD often does not occur on its own.
Fibromyalgia/pain: Pain constantly drains energy in the background.
Sclerosis (MS): Fatigue is a common symptom.
Depression: Lack of motivation costs extra spoons.
For people with chronic illnesses AND neurodivergence, energy consumption increases exponentially. A bad day with pain can reduce the budget from 12 to 3 spoons.
9. Recharging your batteries: What REALLY gives you energy?
Neurotypical relaxation (reading a book, going to a café) can be exhausting for you. You need to recharge your batteries by finding your own sources.
Good spoon dispensers for AuDHS:
✅ Special interests: Deep dive into a hobby (dopamine!).
✅ Stimming: rocking, humming, fidget toys.
✅ Sensory break: noise-cancelling headphones, dark room.
Find out what gives you more energy instead of draining it.
10. Communication: Use the model
Use the theory as a tool, not an excuse.
Say:
"I only have three spoons left today. If I wash up now, I won't be able to talk to you anymore."
This takes the emotion out of it.
Your partner understands: it's not that you don't want to, it's that you've run out of budget.
Parents understand: if the child has used up all but one spoon, homework is pointless.
Establish the "spoon status" as a fixed term in the family. This allows you to use a spoon more on good days without having to justify yourself on bad days.
Summary
🥄 Origin: Developed in 2003 by Christine Miserandino for lupus.
🔋 Reality: Healthy people have infinite energy; we have a fixed limit.
📉 Cost: Executive functions and sensory perception make things more expensive for us.
⚠️ Danger: Those who constantly borrow spoons risk burnout.
❤️ Self-care: Self-care is not a luxury, but resource management.
Q&A – Other frequently asked questions
AuDHS regularly faces conflicting needs: ADHD seeks novelty and stimulation, while autism seeks structure and precision. Answers must take this internal conflict into account.
1. Spoon theory & AuDHS management
Can the spoon theory be applied to AuDHS? Yes, even more urgently than with pure ADHD.
The conflict: ADHD impulsively spends spoons (e.g., on a new hobby), while autism then lacks spoons for routine activities (e.g., showering).
The result: the battery often runs out faster because the internal "negotiation" between the two poles already consumes energy.
What is the 2-minute rule for AuDHS?
Classic: "Do anything that takes less than 2 minutes immediately."
At AuDHS: Caution! For autistic people, interruptions (task switching) are costly. If you are currently hyperfocused, a "quick" 2-minute task can destroy your entire workflow.
Better: collect the small tasks for a fixed time slot ("admin hour").
What is the 20-minute rule? A method for combating ADHD paralysis (rigidity): "I'll only do it for 20 minutes."
This lowers the inhibition threshold for getting started (executive function).
Important for AuDHS: Set a timer so you don't slip into hyperfocus and forget to eat or sleep (autistic body awareness).
Why do neurodivergent people like (small) spoons? This is a widespread phenomenon in the community.
Sensory: Many people with AuDHS prefer small teaspoons or cake forks because large spoons can be sensory overwhelming (too much metal in the mouth, too much food at once).
It gives them a feeling of control over their food intake.
2. Symptoms & characteristics
What is "looping" in AuDHS? Getting stuck in a loop.
Mentally: The ADHD brain races ("racing thoughts") while autism sticks to one topic (perseveration). You chew on the same worry or idea for hours.
Acoustically: A song or phrase repeats endlessly in your head (earworm/echolalia).
Do I have AuDHS or just ADHD? It is difficult to tell the difference because the symptoms overlap.
ADHD: Forgets appointments, is chaotic, constantly seeks new stimuli, is often extroverted socially, but clumsy.
AuDHS: Likes to plan (autism), but cannot implement the plan (ADHD). Seeks social closeness (ADHD), but is quickly overwhelmed by sensory stimuli (autism). Loves order (autism), but creates chaos (ADHD).
What are "ADHD eyes"? A colloquial term for two conditions:
The "wide-angle view": The eyes appear prominent and scan everything at once (sensory openness).
The "glazed look": a sign of dissociation or shutdown. The person looks right through you because their brain is going offline to save energy.
What are the rarest symptoms? In AuDHS, it is often hypo-sensitivity (under-sensitivity). Some people hardly feel cold, hunger or pain. They need extreme pressure (e.g. weighted blankets) or very spicy food to feel anything at all.
3. Calming & crises
What triggers "ADHD rage"? Often, it is not real anger, but a sensory meltdown or frustration over blocked plans.
The trigger: ADHD impulsively said "yes," and autism now realises "it's too loud/too much."
The reaction: explosive behaviour because self-regulation (executive function) breaks down.
What does burnout look like in AuDHS? It differs from typical burnout.
Loss of abilities: Things you used to be able to do (speaking, cooking, talking on the phone) suddenly become impossible.
Sensory exacerbation: light hurts; noise is unbearable.
Withdrawal: Total isolation, often for months.
What calms an AuDHS brain? Standard tips such as "meditation" often fail due to the ADHD urge to move. Better:
Active stimming: rocking, kneading, swinging (calms autism, keeps ADHD busy).
Deep pressure therapy: weighted blankets.
Parallel play (also known as body doubling): Being in the same room with someone, but each doing their own thing (satisfies the social need without the pressure of interaction).
What are the 4 F's of AuDHS? The stress reactions:
Fight: Outburst of anger/meltdown.
Flight: Escape from the room (tendency to run away).
Freeze: Shutdown/dissociation (unable to speak).
Fawn (especially common in AuDHS): "People-pleasing". One adapts extremely and submits to avoid social mistakes (extreme masking).
4. Habits & strategies
Does "habit stacking" work for AuDHS? (Linking a new habit to an old one, e.g. "brushing teeth + squats").
Yes, but: It must be dopamine-driven.
Instead of boring routines, try: "Listening to a podcast (dopamine) + emptying the dishwasher".
Consistency is important for autistic individuals: always following the same sequence helps save energy.
What do people with AuDHS need most?
Acceptance of contradictions: one day they can save the world (hyperfocus), the next they can't speak (shutdown). Both are "normal".
Body doubling: someone sits with you while you work. This helps the ADHD drive enormously.
Sensory safety: A home where you don't have to "mask" your senses.
When is the brain "fully developed"? In neurodivergent people, the frontal lobe (responsible for planning/impulse control) often matures later, sometimes into their mid-to-late 20s. This means that emotional and intellectual maturity are present, but organisational maturity usually lags. This is not a character flaw, but biology.
RELATED ARTICLES: