Narcissistic Parents in Old Age
Narcissistic Parents in Old Age: Care, Cutting Off Contact and the Imperative of Reconciliation
Narcissistic Parents in Old Age: Care, Cutting Off Contact and the Imperative of Reconciliation
DESCRIPTION: “You’ll regret it later.” Adult children of ageing narcissistic parents. Statistics on estrangement, narcissism in old age, the duty to provide care and maintenance for parents in Germany.
Narcissistic parents in old age: care, severing of contact and the pressure to reconcile
When a parent grows old, falls ill or requires care, the pressure on adult children mounts: to get in touch, provide care, and reconcile. What research, German law and psychology have to say about estrangement, parental maintenance, the burden of care and subsequent grief.
A long-standing fundamental question suddenly becomes a deadline: reconcile now. Later, it will be too late. You’ll regret it.
In this context, the parents’ age becomes an argument. The background – past hurts, broken contact and a refusal to take responsibility – is overlooked. The only thing that has changed is the timeframe that is likely to remain. A claim should arise from this timeframe.
It is not at all a question of whether reconciliation is good or bad. That conflates things that have little to do with one another: contact is not forgiveness. Care is not reconciliation. A legal duty to provide maintenance is not an emotional obligation. And grief later does not prove that a boundary set today was wrong.
Moreover, this phrase rarely comes from the parents themselves. It comes from siblings, neighbours, colleagues, self-help gurus and from films in which a hand is held at the deathbed and everything is thereby made right. It goes: ‘You don’t have much time left.’
This also makes an unwarranted assumption about adult children. It claims to know how they will feel in ten years and places this assumption above what they know today from their own experience. Anyone who argues from this personal experience then suddenly has to justify themselves.
A breakdown in contact is not rare.
The assumption that estrangement within families is an exotic exception or a sign of personal immaturity does not stand up to the available figures. Karl Pillemer reports, on behalf of the Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project, that 27 per cent of the adult US population report a break in contact with at least one family member. Extrapolated, this corresponds to around 67 million people. Ten per cent of the more than 1,300 respondents reported estrangement from a parent or an adult child. In 85 per cent of cases, the estrangement had lasted at least one year; in about half, at least four years.
For Germany, Oliver Arránz Becker and Karsten Hank analysed ten waves of the pairfam panel, comprising more than 10,000 respondents. They defined estrangement strictly: contact less than once a month, coupled with a lack of emotional closeness. Over ten years, 20 per cent of adult children went through a phase of estrangement from their father and nine per cent from their mother. A reconciliation took place in 62 per cent of cases with mothers and 44 per cent with fathers.
These figures refute any claim that distance from a parent is inevitably a moral failing. Alienation is a distressing but socially widespread reality of life.
When age and dependency exacerbate old patterns
Age, illness and the need for care limit the means by which people can maintain their self-esteem: professional role, physical integrity, independence, influence and social recognition. For individuals with pronounced narcissistic vulnerability, this loss is particularly fraught with conflict. Sensitivity, a sense of entitlement, attempts to exert control, or assigning blame increase accordingly.
This is why a relationship that was already difficult earlier on does not automatically become easier under conditions of illness and dependency.
For adult children, this leads to a double burden. They may encounter familiar patterns of devaluation, manipulation or blame. At the same time, they see someone objectively in need of help, physically limited, or socially isolated. However, the compassion that stems from this does not invalidate their earlier experience. Neediness and past failures can coexist.
In this situation, it is particularly important to distinguish between understanding and justification. Increasing dependence can help explain why someone is desperately struggling to maintain control. However, it does not obligate an adult child to become a victim of these control needs again.
What the research actually shows
The evidence on narcissism in old age is limited. A much-cited longitudinal study by Eunike Wetzel, Emily Grijalva, Richard Robins and Brent Roberts followed participants for 23 years, from young adulthood to around mid-life. On average, scores for various narcissistic traits – including a desire for leadership, vanity and a sense of entitlement – declined. However, individual differences remained relatively stable: those who scored higher than their peers tended, on average, to remain higher later on.
The study does not cover old age. It therefore does not allow us to predict how a specific parent will behave at age 70, 80, or 90. However, it highlights an important methodological point: a declining average score does not mean that differences between individuals disappear, nor that a strained relationship will repair itself.
Clinical studies on pathological narcissism do not describe a simple linear progression. Individual symptoms and forms of self-esteem regulation may change. Research into later life, however, is significantly more limited than claims in popular self-help guides suggest. For adult children, therefore, the abstract question of whether narcissism ‘weakens’ in old age is often less crucial than the concrete one: what happens in interaction, and which boundaries protect whom?
Contact, understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness are different choices.
The imperative to seek reconciliation has a long religious history and a more recent therapeutic one. In its popular form, it goes: forgiveness is healthy; holding a grudge makes you ill. This formula oversimplifies complex psychological processes and can be misused in situations where a conflict is resolved without addressing issues of hurt, responsibility, or power dynamics.
The crucial distinction is between inner detachment and external connection. An adult child can come to terms with their anger over time without having to ring regularly again. They can pay a visit without having to forgive. They can decide against a visit without being insensitive. They can limit contact without denying the past.
The threat of future regret lumps these different decisions together into a single one. It treats a visit as reconciliation, reconciliation as forgiveness, and forgiveness as proof of mental health.
I am not aware of any controlled study that demonstrates that a reconciliation before the death of a parent generally improves the subsequent well-being of adult children. Pillemer’s qualitative interviews with people who had successfully reconciled are valuable for understanding such processes. However, they do not allow us to conclude what happens on average, and they expressly exclude cases of severe violence and abuse.
The literature shows that family estrangement can be distressing: it can lead to feelings of loss, stigmatisation and reduced well-being. Nevertheless, re-establishing contact does not automatically mean it is the better course of action. Contact can also be psychologically stressful. For some people, distance is precisely what is needed to prevent further harm.
Care is not reconciliation.
The need for care gives rise to practical tasks. These may involve advice, organisation, visits, financial matters and decisions regarding professional support. None of these tasks in itself answers the question of whether an adult child must establish or re-establish an emotionally close relationship.
At the end of 2023, just under 5.7 million people in Germany were considered to need care. Around 86 per cent were cared for at home. Some 3.1 million people received care allowance only and were therefore predominantly cared for by relatives. These figures describe the social context against which many conflicts arise: care often takes place in a private setting and is largely organised by relatives.
For people with a history of abuse or neglect, this separation is particularly important. Jooyoung Kong and Sara Moorman studied 219 adult children who were caring for a parent. Those who cared for a parent who had previously abused them reported more severe depressive symptoms and lower life satisfaction than carers without this history. This association persisted even when accounting for the general burden of care.
The study does not specifically examine the care of narcissistic parents. However, it shows that relationship history is not insignificant in terms of the burden of care. A subsequent review estimated that between 9.4 and 26 per cent of adult children providing care had experienced abuse or neglect at the hands of the parent they were caring for.
A responsible solution can therefore take various forms: organising professional support, clarifying responsibilities with siblings in writing, maintaining limited contact, communicating solely on organisational matters, or not taking on any personal care responsibilities. The appropriate solution depends on the level of risk, resilience, available support, legal responsibilities, and the history of the relationship in question.
A legal obligation is not the same as a relational obligation.
Under Section 1601 of the German Civil Code (BGB), there is, in principle, a duty of maintenance between relatives in the direct line. However, since 1 January 2020, the social welfare authority’s practical recourse to children has been significantly restricted. Under Section 94(1a) of Book XII of the Social Code (SGB XII), a maintenance claim is generally only transferred if the child’s total annual income exceeds 100,000 euros.
The civil law duty of maintenance has therefore not been abolished. However, in many situations where social assistance is provided, the claim is not transferred to the social assistance authority. This relieves many affected people of worries about repayment claims, but it does not replace an assessment of the individual case.
Nor does Section 1611 of the German Civil Code (BGB) offer a straightforward answer to a troubled family history. The provision allows restriction or termination of the maintenance obligation in the event of serious misconduct, but courts apply it restrictively. In 2014, the Federal Court of Justice ruled that a long-standing, unilateral severance of contact by the father was not, in itself, sufficient to forfeit a maintenance claim. In an earlier ruling, the Federal Court of Justice had upheld forfeiture in a case where a parent had abandoned their child in early childhood.
The law does not require emotional closeness. Conversely, it does not automatically regard a broken relationship as grounds for waiving all financial obligations. Anyone facing costs related to care homes, social services, or maintenance claims should seek specialist legal or social law advice early. This section is not a substitute for legal advice in individual cases.
Mourning a relationship that never existed
When a parent dies, it does not necessarily trigger a form of grief that fits the usual social norms. Kenneth Doka coined the term ‘disavowed grief’ to describe this: grief that is not widely recognised by society or that must not be openly displayed. Anyone who loses a parent who has also caused them harm may not only be grieving for the actual person. They may also mourn a relationship that was never reliably possible.
Pauline Boss describes a related experience using the concept of ‘ambiguous loss’: a person may be physically present yet psychologically or emotionally unreachable. In strained parent-child relationships, this loss can begin long before death. Death then does not simply bring closure, but alters the nature of an already existing grief.
These terms are neither a diagnosis nor a prescription for how someone ought to feel. They help us to understand contradictory reactions: relief alongside guilt, anger alongside compassion, emptiness alongside longing, or even the absence of any strong emotion. None of these reactions, taken on its own, proves that a previous decision was right or wrong.
The decision is not a matter of timing.
The parents’ age does not relieve the adult child of the decision. It shortens their time horizon, but it neither negates the relationship's history nor clarifies whether contact is reasonable.
Before paying a visit, taking on care responsibilities or making a definitive refusal, one might therefore ask a simple question: what is the purpose of this decision? Is it for one’s own peace of mind, for protection, for limited practical help, for the desire to have a final conversation, out of consideration for siblings, or because of a fear of being judged by others?
Several answers may be legitimate. A visit can be meaningful without implying reconciliation. A break in contact can remain in place without implying a lack of feeling. Care can be organised without the adult child becoming the primary emotional caregiver.
Age does not create an obligation to reinterpret the past. At most, it requires making the present decision as consciously as possible.
Key points in brief
• Family estrangement is not rare. In a US survey, 27 per cent of adults reported having severed contact with at least one family member. In Germany, over ten years, 20 per cent of adult children went through a phase of estrangement from their father and nine per cent from their mother.
• Age, illness and dependency can exacerbate conflicts in an already strained relationship. They do not explain harmful behaviour, nor do they automatically justify a duty to maintain closeness.
• Research shows average changes in narcissistic traits over a lifetime, but provides no reliable general prediction of how a specific individual will behave in old age.
• Contact, forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct choices. There is no robust evidence to suggest that a reconciliation before a parent’s death generally ensures adult children’s future well-being.
• Caregiving is not the same as reconciliation. Studies of adult children who care for abusive parents show additional psychological strain. Whilst this research does not specifically concern narcissism, it highlights the significance of the history of the relationship.
• In Germany, Section 1601 of the German Civil Code (BGB) generally obliges children to provide maintenance for their parents. Since 2020, social welfare authorities have, as a rule, limited recourse to children with a total annual income of more than 100,000 euros.
• After death, conflicting emotions may arise. Concepts such as ‘denied grief’ and ‘ambiguous loss’ help to distinguish between grieving for a person and grieving for a relationship that was never reliably available.
Sources
· Arránz Becker, O., & Hank, K. (2022). Adult children’s estrangement from parents in Germany. Journal of Marriage and Family, 84, 347–360. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jomf.12796
· Blake, L. (2017). Parents and children who are estranged in adulthood: A review and discussion of the literature. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9, 521–536. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12216
· Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press. https://www.ambiguousloss.com/about/
· Federal Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs. Questions and answers on the Act on Relief for Relatives. https://www.bmas.de/DE/Soziales/Teilhabe-und-Inklusion/Politik-fuer-Menschen-mit-Behinderungen/Fragen-und-Antworten-Angehoerigen-Entlastungsgesetz/faq-angehoerigen-entlastungsgesetz.html
· Federal Court of Justice. Order of 12 February 2014, XII ZB 607/12.
· Federal Court of Justice. Judgment of 19 May 2004, XII ZR 304/02.
· Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognising Hidden Sorrow. Lexington Books.
· Kong, J., Kunze, A., Goldberg, J., & Schroepfer, T. (2021). Caregiving for parents who harmed you: A conceptual review. Clinical Gerontologist, 44. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07317115.2021.1920531
· Kong, J., & Moorman, S. M. (2018). Effect of caring for an abusive parent on mental health: The mediating role of self-esteem. The Gerontologist. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28549112/
· Pillemer, K. (2020). Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Avery. See also: Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project. https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2020/09/pillemer-family-estrangement-problem-hiding-plain-sight
· Ronningstam, E. (2010). Narcissistic personality disorder: A current review. Current Psychiatry Reports. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20425313/
· Federal Statistical Office. Care Statistics 2023. Press release No. 478 of 18 December 2024. https://www.destatis.de/DE/Presse/Pressemitteilungen/2024/12/PD24_478_224.html
· Wetzel, E., Grijalva, E., Robins, R. W., & Roberts, B. W. (2020). You’re still so vain: Changes in narcissism from young adulthood to middle age. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119, 479–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000266
Related
DESCRIPTION: “You’ll regret it later.” Adult children of ageing narcissistic parents. Statistics on estrangement, narcissism in old age, the duty to provide care and maintenance for parents in Germany.
Narcissistic parents in old age: care, severing of contact and the pressure to reconcile
When a parent grows old, falls ill or requires care, the pressure on adult children mounts: to get in touch, provide care, and reconcile. What research, German law and psychology have to say about estrangement, parental maintenance, the burden of care and subsequent grief.
A long-standing fundamental question suddenly becomes a deadline: reconcile now. Later, it will be too late. You’ll regret it.
In this context, the parents’ age becomes an argument. The background – past hurts, broken contact and a refusal to take responsibility – is overlooked. The only thing that has changed is the timeframe that is likely to remain. A claim should arise from this timeframe.
It is not at all a question of whether reconciliation is good or bad. That conflates things that have little to do with one another: contact is not forgiveness. Care is not reconciliation. A legal duty to provide maintenance is not an emotional obligation. And grief later does not prove that a boundary set today was wrong.
Moreover, this phrase rarely comes from the parents themselves. It comes from siblings, neighbours, colleagues, self-help gurus and from films in which a hand is held at the deathbed and everything is thereby made right. It goes: ‘You don’t have much time left.’
This also makes an unwarranted assumption about adult children. It claims to know how they will feel in ten years and places this assumption above what they know today from their own experience. Anyone who argues from this personal experience then suddenly has to justify themselves.
A breakdown in contact is not rare.
The assumption that estrangement within families is an exotic exception or a sign of personal immaturity does not stand up to the available figures. Karl Pillemer reports, on behalf of the Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project, that 27 per cent of the adult US population report a break in contact with at least one family member. Extrapolated, this corresponds to around 67 million people. Ten per cent of the more than 1,300 respondents reported estrangement from a parent or an adult child. In 85 per cent of cases, the estrangement had lasted at least one year; in about half, at least four years.
For Germany, Oliver Arránz Becker and Karsten Hank analysed ten waves of the pairfam panel, comprising more than 10,000 respondents. They defined estrangement strictly: contact less than once a month, coupled with a lack of emotional closeness. Over ten years, 20 per cent of adult children went through a phase of estrangement from their father and nine per cent from their mother. A reconciliation took place in 62 per cent of cases with mothers and 44 per cent with fathers.
These figures refute any claim that distance from a parent is inevitably a moral failing. Alienation is a distressing but socially widespread reality of life.
When age and dependency exacerbate old patterns
Age, illness and the need for care limit the means by which people can maintain their self-esteem: professional role, physical integrity, independence, influence and social recognition. For individuals with pronounced narcissistic vulnerability, this loss is particularly fraught with conflict. Sensitivity, a sense of entitlement, attempts to exert control, or assigning blame increase accordingly.
This is why a relationship that was already difficult earlier on does not automatically become easier under conditions of illness and dependency.
For adult children, this leads to a double burden. They may encounter familiar patterns of devaluation, manipulation or blame. At the same time, they see someone objectively in need of help, physically limited, or socially isolated. However, the compassion that stems from this does not invalidate their earlier experience. Neediness and past failures can coexist.
In this situation, it is particularly important to distinguish between understanding and justification. Increasing dependence can help explain why someone is desperately struggling to maintain control. However, it does not obligate an adult child to become a victim of these control needs again.
What the research actually shows
The evidence on narcissism in old age is limited. A much-cited longitudinal study by Eunike Wetzel, Emily Grijalva, Richard Robins and Brent Roberts followed participants for 23 years, from young adulthood to around mid-life. On average, scores for various narcissistic traits – including a desire for leadership, vanity and a sense of entitlement – declined. However, individual differences remained relatively stable: those who scored higher than their peers tended, on average, to remain higher later on.
The study does not cover old age. It therefore does not allow us to predict how a specific parent will behave at age 70, 80, or 90. However, it highlights an important methodological point: a declining average score does not mean that differences between individuals disappear, nor that a strained relationship will repair itself.
Clinical studies on pathological narcissism do not describe a simple linear progression. Individual symptoms and forms of self-esteem regulation may change. Research into later life, however, is significantly more limited than claims in popular self-help guides suggest. For adult children, therefore, the abstract question of whether narcissism ‘weakens’ in old age is often less crucial than the concrete one: what happens in interaction, and which boundaries protect whom?
Contact, understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness are different choices.
The imperative to seek reconciliation has a long religious history and a more recent therapeutic one. In its popular form, it goes: forgiveness is healthy; holding a grudge makes you ill. This formula oversimplifies complex psychological processes and can be misused in situations where a conflict is resolved without addressing issues of hurt, responsibility, or power dynamics.
The crucial distinction is between inner detachment and external connection. An adult child can come to terms with their anger over time without having to ring regularly again. They can pay a visit without having to forgive. They can decide against a visit without being insensitive. They can limit contact without denying the past.
The threat of future regret lumps these different decisions together into a single one. It treats a visit as reconciliation, reconciliation as forgiveness, and forgiveness as proof of mental health.
I am not aware of any controlled study that demonstrates that a reconciliation before the death of a parent generally improves the subsequent well-being of adult children. Pillemer’s qualitative interviews with people who had successfully reconciled are valuable for understanding such processes. However, they do not allow us to conclude what happens on average, and they expressly exclude cases of severe violence and abuse.
The literature shows that family estrangement can be distressing: it can lead to feelings of loss, stigmatisation and reduced well-being. Nevertheless, re-establishing contact does not automatically mean it is the better course of action. Contact can also be psychologically stressful. For some people, distance is precisely what is needed to prevent further harm.
Care is not reconciliation.
The need for care gives rise to practical tasks. These may involve advice, organisation, visits, financial matters and decisions regarding professional support. None of these tasks in itself answers the question of whether an adult child must establish or re-establish an emotionally close relationship.
At the end of 2023, just under 5.7 million people in Germany were considered to need care. Around 86 per cent were cared for at home. Some 3.1 million people received care allowance only and were therefore predominantly cared for by relatives. These figures describe the social context against which many conflicts arise: care often takes place in a private setting and is largely organised by relatives.
For people with a history of abuse or neglect, this separation is particularly important. Jooyoung Kong and Sara Moorman studied 219 adult children who were caring for a parent. Those who cared for a parent who had previously abused them reported more severe depressive symptoms and lower life satisfaction than carers without this history. This association persisted even when accounting for the general burden of care.
The study does not specifically examine the care of narcissistic parents. However, it shows that relationship history is not insignificant in terms of the burden of care. A subsequent review estimated that between 9.4 and 26 per cent of adult children providing care had experienced abuse or neglect at the hands of the parent they were caring for.
A responsible solution can therefore take various forms: organising professional support, clarifying responsibilities with siblings in writing, maintaining limited contact, communicating solely on organisational matters, or not taking on any personal care responsibilities. The appropriate solution depends on the level of risk, resilience, available support, legal responsibilities, and the history of the relationship in question.
A legal obligation is not the same as a relational obligation.
Under Section 1601 of the German Civil Code (BGB), there is, in principle, a duty of maintenance between relatives in the direct line. However, since 1 January 2020, the social welfare authority’s practical recourse to children has been significantly restricted. Under Section 94(1a) of Book XII of the Social Code (SGB XII), a maintenance claim is generally only transferred if the child’s total annual income exceeds 100,000 euros.
The civil law duty of maintenance has therefore not been abolished. However, in many situations where social assistance is provided, the claim is not transferred to the social assistance authority. This relieves many affected people of worries about repayment claims, but it does not replace an assessment of the individual case.
Nor does Section 1611 of the German Civil Code (BGB) offer a straightforward answer to a troubled family history. The provision allows restriction or termination of the maintenance obligation in the event of serious misconduct, but courts apply it restrictively. In 2014, the Federal Court of Justice ruled that a long-standing, unilateral severance of contact by the father was not, in itself, sufficient to forfeit a maintenance claim. In an earlier ruling, the Federal Court of Justice had upheld forfeiture in a case where a parent had abandoned their child in early childhood.
The law does not require emotional closeness. Conversely, it does not automatically regard a broken relationship as grounds for waiving all financial obligations. Anyone facing costs related to care homes, social services, or maintenance claims should seek specialist legal or social law advice early. This section is not a substitute for legal advice in individual cases.
Mourning a relationship that never existed
When a parent dies, it does not necessarily trigger a form of grief that fits the usual social norms. Kenneth Doka coined the term ‘disavowed grief’ to describe this: grief that is not widely recognised by society or that must not be openly displayed. Anyone who loses a parent who has also caused them harm may not only be grieving for the actual person. They may also mourn a relationship that was never reliably possible.
Pauline Boss describes a related experience using the concept of ‘ambiguous loss’: a person may be physically present yet psychologically or emotionally unreachable. In strained parent-child relationships, this loss can begin long before death. Death then does not simply bring closure, but alters the nature of an already existing grief.
These terms are neither a diagnosis nor a prescription for how someone ought to feel. They help us to understand contradictory reactions: relief alongside guilt, anger alongside compassion, emptiness alongside longing, or even the absence of any strong emotion. None of these reactions, taken on its own, proves that a previous decision was right or wrong.
The decision is not a matter of timing.
The parents’ age does not relieve the adult child of the decision. It shortens their time horizon, but it neither negates the relationship's history nor clarifies whether contact is reasonable.
Before paying a visit, taking on care responsibilities or making a definitive refusal, one might therefore ask a simple question: what is the purpose of this decision? Is it for one’s own peace of mind, for protection, for limited practical help, for the desire to have a final conversation, out of consideration for siblings, or because of a fear of being judged by others?
Several answers may be legitimate. A visit can be meaningful without implying reconciliation. A break in contact can remain in place without implying a lack of feeling. Care can be organised without the adult child becoming the primary emotional caregiver.
Age does not create an obligation to reinterpret the past. At most, it requires making the present decision as consciously as possible.
Key points in brief
• Family estrangement is not rare. In a US survey, 27 per cent of adults reported having severed contact with at least one family member. In Germany, over ten years, 20 per cent of adult children went through a phase of estrangement from their father and nine per cent from their mother.
• Age, illness and dependency can exacerbate conflicts in an already strained relationship. They do not explain harmful behaviour, nor do they automatically justify a duty to maintain closeness.
• Research shows average changes in narcissistic traits over a lifetime, but provides no reliable general prediction of how a specific individual will behave in old age.
• Contact, forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct choices. There is no robust evidence to suggest that a reconciliation before a parent’s death generally ensures adult children’s future well-being.
• Caregiving is not the same as reconciliation. Studies of adult children who care for abusive parents show additional psychological strain. Whilst this research does not specifically concern narcissism, it highlights the significance of the history of the relationship.
• In Germany, Section 1601 of the German Civil Code (BGB) generally obliges children to provide maintenance for their parents. Since 2020, social welfare authorities have, as a rule, limited recourse to children with a total annual income of more than 100,000 euros.
• After death, conflicting emotions may arise. Concepts such as ‘denied grief’ and ‘ambiguous loss’ help to distinguish between grieving for a person and grieving for a relationship that was never reliably available.
Sources
· Arránz Becker, O., & Hank, K. (2022). Adult children’s estrangement from parents in Germany. Journal of Marriage and Family, 84, 347–360. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jomf.12796
· Blake, L. (2017). Parents and children who are estranged in adulthood: A review and discussion of the literature. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9, 521–536. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12216
· Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press. https://www.ambiguousloss.com/about/
· Federal Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs. Questions and answers on the Act on Relief for Relatives. https://www.bmas.de/DE/Soziales/Teilhabe-und-Inklusion/Politik-fuer-Menschen-mit-Behinderungen/Fragen-und-Antworten-Angehoerigen-Entlastungsgesetz/faq-angehoerigen-entlastungsgesetz.html
· Federal Court of Justice. Order of 12 February 2014, XII ZB 607/12.
· Federal Court of Justice. Judgment of 19 May 2004, XII ZR 304/02.
· Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognising Hidden Sorrow. Lexington Books.
· Kong, J., Kunze, A., Goldberg, J., & Schroepfer, T. (2021). Caregiving for parents who harmed you: A conceptual review. Clinical Gerontologist, 44. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07317115.2021.1920531
· Kong, J., & Moorman, S. M. (2018). Effect of caring for an abusive parent on mental health: The mediating role of self-esteem. The Gerontologist. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28549112/
· Pillemer, K. (2020). Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Avery. See also: Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project. https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2020/09/pillemer-family-estrangement-problem-hiding-plain-sight
· Ronningstam, E. (2010). Narcissistic personality disorder: A current review. Current Psychiatry Reports. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20425313/
· Federal Statistical Office. Care Statistics 2023. Press release No. 478 of 18 December 2024. https://www.destatis.de/DE/Presse/Pressemitteilungen/2024/12/PD24_478_224.html
· Wetzel, E., Grijalva, E., Robins, R. W., & Roberts, B. W. (2020). You’re still so vain: Changes in narcissism from young adulthood to middle age. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119, 479–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000266
Related
Newsletter
Möchten Sie informiert werden, wenn ich einen neuen Blogbeitrag veröffentliche? Tragen Sie sich gern hier ein.
Klicken Sie auf „Kostenlos abonnieren“, wenn Sie meine Datenschutzerklärung gelesen und akzeptiert haben. Ihre Einwilligung können Sie jederzeit widerrufen.
Newsletter
Möchten Sie informiert werden, wenn ich einen neuen Blogbeitrag veröffentliche? Tragen Sie sich gern hier ein.
Klicken Sie auf „Kostenlos abonnieren“, wenn Sie meine Datenschutzerklärung gelesen und akzeptiert haben. Ihre Einwilligung können Sie jederzeit widerrufen.